the breathing gets harder

for those of you my loves starting a new school y ear, at a new school, living at a new place, having a new life. im gonna miss you all so much. and congrats on gonig into a new stage of life.  its gonna be different. its gonna be new. it should be fun.

as for me.  Whats new for me?  Life is getting back to "normal" again.  friends are gone, and most of my besties are gone and away.  but we all have our own life and our own goals that we strive to meet.  We are all together in one way, but we are all so different.  Starting this weekend, it made me realize that there will be no more random hang outs, really late nights, and lots of laughs.  This weekend was just a regular weekend but it made me realize so much more.

Saying goodbye isnt the hardest thing, because this time, i didnt cry.  I know all of you will be back very soon and there will be good times again. 

Dealing with relationships can sometimes be so difficult.  You might want to give up, many times in a relationship and say i quit, and i will move on.  but you just cant.  Have you ever felt like the person you think you know so well, made you realize and come back and say "hey, you dont really know me, and you dont know how i feel, i feel like crap and no one understands" and then they proceed to shut you out and not wanna have conversations with you.  I tell you what, it sucks, and it hurts.  at the same time you feel like you werent doing the job that you were suppose to in this relationship.  then everything seems pointless, and the urge for you to really wnna see him slowly fades.  And all of a sudden you dont feel so hurt anymore, cause you like the time alone.  It's really hard to describe how i felt throughout the weekend of not seeing you, but i think it could be good practice for me, for the future, when we cant be together all the time.  That's when im really gonna be independent.

Im so happy to know that you know exactly what you want in life and which road you will be going.  All of a sudden, everything just seems to click in your head, and you got a light bulb.  You know your exact career and you're very excited about it.  and hey, im happy for you.  In fact, im so happy on the inside that i get jealous.  i wish i could do the same.  i wish i know exactly what i wanna be and how my road will turn out.  But i guess i just needa wait.  As for you, i hope you know i'll support in whatever you do.  I know there are gonna be sacrifices if i wanna be with you, and be able to pull thru everything.  But thats what a relationship is, i guess.  It does worry me and i have to admit i do get very scare and nervous or you, but im not gonna put you down.  I will stand by you and if you ever need a listener, let me know.  

im not sure where i'll end up and if i can physically and emotionally pull through the tough times, but i think God is here with me.  I need to worry less.  I've been exhausted and really need motivation and rest.  I hope some form of motivation and bubbly-ness will hit me very soon, so i can do the things i wanna do.